These Words given by My Parent Which Saved Me during my time as a Brand-New Parent

"I believe I was merely in survival mode for the first year."

One-time Made In Chelsea star Ryan Libbey expected to handle the difficulties of becoming a dad.

However the actual experience rapidly turned out to be "very different" to his expectations.

Severe health issues around the birth saw his partner Louise hospitalised. Abruptly he was thrust into acting as her chief support as well as looking after their infant son Leo.

"I took on every night time, each diaper… every stroll. The duty of mother and father," Ryan explained.

Following eleven months he became exhausted. It was a talk with his father, on a park bench, that led him to understand he couldn't do it alone.

The direct phrases "You aren't in a good place. You must get assistance. What can I do to support you?" opened the door for Ryan to express himself truthfully, seek support and start recovering.

His experience is not uncommon, but seldom highlighted. Although society is now better used to addressing the pressure on mums and about postpartum depression, far less attention is paid about the difficulties dads face.

'It's not weak to ask for help

Ryan thinks his difficulties are linked to a wider reluctance to talk among men, who continue to internalise damaging perceptions of manhood.

Men, he says, tend to think they must be "the fortress that just gets hit and stays upright every time."

"It isn't a sign of being weak to seek help. I didn't do that fast enough," he explains.

Therapist Dr Jill Domoney, a specialist who studies mental health before and after childbirth, says men frequently refuse to accept they're having a hard time.

They can think they are "not justified to be asking for help" - especially ahead of a mother and child - but she emphasises their mental well-being is equally important to the unit.

Ryan's chat with his dad gave him the space to request a pause - taking a couple of days away, separate from the home environment, to get a fresh outlook.

He came to see he needed to make a change to pay attention to his and his partner's feelings alongside the day-to-day duties of caring for a infant.

When he shared with Louise, he saw he'd missed "what she longed for" -reassuring touch and paying attention to her words.

Reparenting yourself'

That epiphany has reshaped how Ryan sees parenthood.

He's now penning Leo letters each week about his experiences as a dad, which he wishes his son will look at as he gets older.

Ryan believes these will enable his son to more fully comprehend the language of feelings and interpret his decisions as a father.

The concept of "parenting yourself" is something artist Professor Green - real name Stephen Manderson - has also felt keenly since having his son Slimane, who is now four.

As a child Stephen did not have reliable male a father figure. Even with having an "incredible" relationship with his dad, long-standing trauma resulted in his father struggled to cope and was "present intermittently" of his life, making difficult their bond.

Stephen says bottling up feelings led him to make "poor decisions" when younger to modify how he felt, seeking comfort in substance use as an escape from the hurt.

"You turn to things that don't help," he explains. "They might temporarily change how you are feeling, but they will ultimately cause more harm."

Advice for Getting By as a New Father

• Open up to someone - when you are under pressure, speak to a family member, your other half or a professional how you're feeling. It can help to lighten the load and make you feel less alone.
• Maintain your passions - make time for the things that made you feel like the person you were before becoming a parent. Examples include going for a run, seeing friends or gaming.
• Pay attention to the body - a good diet, getting some exercise and if you can, resting, all are important in how your mind is coping.
• Connect with other first-time fathers - sharing their stories, the messy ones, as well as the positive moments, can help to put into perspective how you're experiencing things.
• Remember that asking for help is not failure - looking after yourself is the optimal method you can support your household.

When his father eventually died by suicide, Stephen understandably found it hard to accept the passing, having been out of touch with him for many years.

In his current role as a parent, Stephen's committed not to "repeat the pattern" with his boy and instead give the security and nurturing he lacked.

When his son starts to have a meltdown, for example, they practise "shaking the feelings out" together - expressing the frustrations safely.

The two men Ryan and Stephen say they have become more balanced, healthier men due to the fact that they acknowledged their struggles, changed how they communicate, and taught themselves to control themselves for their sons.

"I am now more capable of… dealing with things and managing things," states Stephen.

"I put that down in a letter to Leo the other week," Ryan adds. "I said, sometimes I think my purpose is to teach and advise you how to behave, but the truth is, it's a exchange. I'm learning an equal amount as you are through this experience."